In Sickness and in Health

-  "Love is not a feeling, it's an act of the will."  -
My husband and I have been married 28 1/2 years.  Little did we know when we said our vows, that we would be learning so much of the "in sickness" part of our promise.  Many people with chronic or fatal illnesses lose their spouses.  The stresses and pressures are great. Chronic illness is a lonely road to walk and requires a lot of time and energy which are taken away from other things. Communication becomes even more challenging and there are usually added financial burdens. Meeting each others needs and putting each other first takes great strength as the pain, exhaustion, time and energy are spent on seeing doctors, having tests, going to physical therapy, taking medications and supplements, traveling to specialists, researching etc.  Priorities of husband and wife do not always match. Misunderstanding is common. A person who is in pain and not sleeping well is not always patient.

All lasting marriages require hard work.  I have been extremely blessed with a husband who takes his commitment to our marriage covenant very seriously.  He knows that marriage is a picture of Christ and the church, and strives to put Jesus first and our marriage second.  He is not a perfect man or husband, but he is the one God has joined me to and I rejoice and thank God for him.  The reason we have been able to stay together in sickness and in health,is NOT because either one of us is great or because we are a perfect match and so "in love" all the time.  Love is a choice.  Love is action.  Our marriage is built on the foundation of Jesus our Savior and HE keeps us together.  Below are the lyrics to a song we had sung at our wedding (this is from memory so may not be exact).

I could never promise you,
On just my strength alone.
That all my life I'd care for you,
And love you as my own.

I've never known the future,
I only see today,
Words that last a lifetime,
Would be more than I could say.

But the love inside my heart today,
Is more that mine alone
It never changes, never fails,
Never seeks its own.

And by the God who gives it
And lives in me and you,
I know the words I speak today,
Are words I'm going to do.

So I stand before you now
For all to hear and see,
To promise you in Jesus' name
The love he's given me.

And through our years on earth,
And as eternity goes by,
The life and love he's given us
Are never going to die.

I thank God I am not alone even though at times I feel lonely.  I thank Gregg for loving me in sickness and in health, till death do us part.  

Ellen

"But godliness with contentment is great gain." 1 Timothy 6:6

When a person feels sick or is in pain, it is easy to become negative.  I tend to be a refiner, a perfectionist, a detail person.  Since I am a new creature in Christ, I can choose to let God change me.  I can allow him to use the strengths he has given me to glorify himself, and allow him to refine me, reshape me, conform me into his image where need be.

I had a grandmother who always seemed to find something good to say in just about every situation.  She had suffered many trials in her lifetime.  Her own mother died when she was just a little girl.  Her husband died while in his late thirties, leaving her with six children to rear on her own.  She chose not to become bitter. She chose not to complain.  She worked hard, and although she was certainly not perfect, she was a good example in many ways.  My grandmother lived into her nineties and was loved and honored by each of her children.  My aunts and uncles all have compassion for others and are an encouragement to me.  They understand hardship.  They understand want, and they appreciate what they have. (Contrary to popular opinion, it is not good for children to be given everthing they desire.)  I believe my grandmother's children developed good character qualities partly due to suffering and hardship.  I love them, pray for them, and thank God he put me into their family.
My Dad was the eldest child.  He passed away nine years ago - only five weeks before his mother.  One of the "good attitude" things I recall him saying was in response to people complaining about the cold Wisconsin weather.  In a quiet, unexcited voice he would respond,  "At least we don't have to deal with mosquitoes [during the winter]."
I need to have more of an attitude like that. I want to learn like the Apostle Paul, "in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content." Philippians 4:11

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My list of symptoms continues so I won't repeat them here.  I thought I would give you some prayer requests in addition to the prayers for physical relief (which I still appreciate)  Please pray that:

I will hunger and thirst after God and his Word.
I will draw on his strength to do the yucky, for my health things I need perseverance to do.
That the joy of the LORD will be my strength.
That this blog will somehow minister God's grace to others.
That God will give me clear thinking, understanding of His Word - wisdom - and guidance where there are questions.
That God will protect me and my family from deception.
That God will help me to be a better wife giving me the strength I need etc.
That God will strengthen our marriage helping us to communicate better.
That God's peace will rule in my heart.
That I will be able to see the positive in situations and give the negatives over to God.
That I will have a grateful, thankful to God heart.
That I will guard my heart and tongue.
That my "symptom" list will decrease and I will be healed.
That I will wait patiently on the LORD when my prayers are not answered the way I would choose, (or as quickly perhaps).

Thanks for your prayers.  I really appreciate them and thank God you care enough to talk to him on my behalf.

Ellen

“New Year” Post – Sin is More Fatal Than Cancer

Many new things are worth celebrating – a new year, a new job, a new house, a new baby… Unfortunately however, new things eventually become old – the second law of thermodynamics – all things break down and tend to disorder. There is one new thing that does not fade, break down, rot or die.

Since it is a new year, I wanted to share something that is ever more important than letting you know about my symptoms etc. I love the Lord Jesus. What he has done for me (and for you) is so absolutely wonderful that I cannot be selfish and keep it to myself! Some of you may not be comfortable with all this talk of Jesus and faith, but please hear me out. If you were dying of cancer or some other fatal disease and I knew the cure that would save you, wouldn't I be unloving if I neglected to share it with you? I believe the King James Authorized Bible to be completely true, the living word of God. It tells us that we all have a problem worse than cancer.

All of mankind has a problem.

Romans 3:23 For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;
Ezekiel 18:20 The soul that sinneth, it shall die.

Sin separates us from a perfect, holy God. It is so serious that any sin no matter how small we think it is, keeps us out of a right relationship with God and out of heaven. God’s holiness cannot allow anything or anyone to corrupt it. He cannot just let sin go unpunished; he is just. The Bible says that the penalty, the just punishment for sin, is death.

Romans 6:23a For the wages of sin is death;
Romans 5:12 Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned:
We all actually deserve hell. We cannot do anything to get rid of sin or make ourselves right with God.
James 2:10 For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all.

Those are the sad facts.

Romans 5:8 But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

That is the good news, the solution to our otherwise hopeless situation.

John 14:6 Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.

There is no other way – we can never be good enough without him no matter what we do, where we go to church, how much we give, etc.

John 10:10 The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.

God sent his son as the only payment acceptable for sin.

2Corinthians 5:21 For he hath made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in him.
1Titus 1:15 This is a faithful saying, and worthy of all acceptation, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners; of whom I am chief.
1Peter 3:18a For Christ also hath once suffered for sins, the just for the unjust, that he might bring us to God
Colossians 1:14 In whom we have redemption through his blood, even the forgiveness of sins:
Romans 5:9-10 Much more then, being now justified by his blood, we shall be saved from wrath through him. For if, when we were enemies, we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, being reconciled, we shall be saved by his life.

What good news!

It is not enough to just say - “Oh I believe those things.” We must by faith put our trust in him, placing our life in his hands.

Romans 4:5 But to him that worketh not, but believeth on him that justifieth the ungodly, his faith is counted for righteousness.
Romans 3:28 Therefore we conclude that a man is justified by faith without the deeds of the law.

For a long time I believed Jesus died for me, but I did not know I could be sure of going to heaven when I died – that sounded arrogant to me. I did not want to sin; I wanted to change. I could never be good enough; I kept failing. I needed God’s solution. As I heard more of the truth of the Bible, I realized I was trusting in doing certain things in addition to what Jesus did. If I had to do that, then that would mean what Jesus did was not complete. I had to take a step to choose to believe that what God did on the cross was everything and the only thing to save me from the penalty of sin. I needed God’s son to cleanse me from those sins and future sins once and for all. I decided to trust in what he did for me as full payment to make me right before God. What glory, what joy, what freedom! Now I can live in gratitude to the one who saved me and continues to change me. Now my life can be about bringing him glory. His Holy Spirit can give me what is needed to love and obey him and to understand the Bible. This does not mean that I never sin.  I still fail, but my eternal destination does not depend on my perfection.

Jesus died to give the gift of eternal life to everyone. But, like any gift, it is of no value to you if you refuse it. You must accept it for it to be your own.

Ephesians 2:8-9 For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast.
Romans 6:23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord

Why not start 2012 by receiving the most awesome gift available. New life is something a person can have now – we don't have to wait until we get to heaven to have it; in fact, we must receive it now in order to go to heaven. Once we die, it will be too late to choose. The new birth, new life that Jesus gives, never dies, never has to fade. Why not see for yourself what the Bible says. I pray you will tell God you want the new life he offers and put your complete trust in what he did for you on the cross. It is not complicated. Trust.

2Corintians 5:17 Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.

Ellen

photo by Karen

 

 





Health and Symptom Update

 I thought I would give a quick health update before I finish writing a new year post that is still in progress.

Some improvement:
              I am finally losing only a small amount of hair instead of handfuls.
              Dizziness is a little better/a little less frequent.
              Gall bladder pain is a bit less intense.
              Temperature regulation a little better.
              Tooth pain down to somewhat tolerable for the moment.

I would still appreciate prayer for the above issues and:
              diet and weight control - not just "how you look" problem
              digestion and severe bloating,
              PAIN all over but especially shoulders, back, hips...muscle cramping that won't let up
              energy and good sleep,
              candida irradication and all the die off symptoms to lessen,
              less itching and psoriasis
              nerve pain,
              incision area deep pain

I have been fighting an urinary tract infection the past two weeks along with ear ache and a sore throat with nasty looking drainage.  It has been a tough couple of weeks on many fronts. 

Thanks for your continued prayers.  I really appreciate the encouragement many of you continue to be.

Ellen

Combating the Cinderella Syndrome

Self pity is a dangerous thing.
I can often relate to how the fictional Cinderella must have felt staying home when everyone else prepared themselves for, got excited about, and left for the ball without her.

Because of multiple chemical illness, I am extremely limited on where I can go (and whom and what I can allow into my home).  Even exposure to small amounts of perfume, hairspray, cologne and aftershave, laundry detergent and fabric softeners, antiperspirants and deodorants, hand lotion, lip balm, chemicals in stores, incandescent lights, mold spores, cleaning chemicals, air fresheners, hot asphalt, formaldehyde (in funeral homes), pesticides, herbicides, lawn chemicals, pool chemicals, bleach, paint fumes, new building materials, inks, scented candles, and even natural essential oils etc. can cause a person with MCSI (Multiple Chemical Sensitivity Illness or Syndrome MCSS) MAJOR problems. One exposure can set us back days or even weeks.  Most people do not understand what it is like and how big a deal it can be to have a reaction - difficulty breathing (even having the esophagus swell shut in some instances), dizziness, disorientation, seizures, rashes, muscle pain, headaches, exhaustion, stomach pain, anxiety attacks, heart palpitations, brain fog, visual disturbances and more are some of the consequences that can manifest because of exposure. (Not all of these are necessarily experienced every time or by every individual).

Some say chemical sensitive people are like canaries.  These small yellow birds were used in coal mines to indicate when there were high levels of toxic gases in the mine.  The canary would be effected first (like the MCSS patient) before humans and would stop singing as he died.  This would alert the miners of danger so they could get out of the mine before it was too late.

The unnatural chemicals around us actually effect all of us.  If your liver is healthy, your body may be able to filter and handle the invader - perhaps without you even noticing it.  In MCSI individuals, the liver, kidneys and lungs may be compromised and not able to filter out the toxins very well.  The chemicals, molds, etc. enter and cannot be as easily eliminated as they are in a healthy person.  Since the poisons cannot leave as rapidly as they should, they circulate through the blood and can even be stored in the body's fat, tissues and ultimately, the organs.  This has a negative effect and manifests in very unpleasant and potentially dangerous ways.

So what can a MCSI individual do?  Isn't there a pill he can take?  He/she can work on cleansing the eliminative channels, avoid exposure to toxins as much as possible, build up the body's immune system, be very careful about diet, use air purifiers, charcoal masks, natural fabrics, etc.  There is no pill to take as a cure.  In fact, the chemicals in drugs usually cause even bigger problems. (The above two paragraphs are only a simplified description and my own thoughts as a result of study - not to be taken as medical advice). Perhaps it will help some of you relate to those you know who suffer with this malady.  Many people are frustrated and think "It's all in your head", "You have to be overreacting because it doesn't bother me", "It can't be that big of a deal that I forgot and wore perfume", "Why can't you just toughen up?", "I'm not about to change my lifestyle just because you don't like the smell",etc . The MCSI person often loses friends and can be rejected by others because of being misunderstood and because of the necessary isolation.


My family has been celebrating Christmas with relatives out of town the past two days.  I am home... alone...again.  Sometimes these days aren't so bad...peace, quiet, rest and time alone with the LORD.  Other times I feel sad, whiney, self pitious.  How many parties, reunions,  baby showers, weddings, conferences, holidays, and picnics (charcoal, sunscreen and bug spray are unbelievably bad) have I missed out on?  Too many, far too many.  I grieve for my husband, my children and for myself.  It gets depressing at times.

So what to do to keep the right heart attitude?

First - I must turn to the WORD of GOD.  That is truly where strength, peace, joy is found.  I thank God that I have been mercifully driven to my Saviour so many times over the years.  It is sweet to fellowship with him.  I am actually not home alone.  He promised to NEVER leave me nor forsake me. (Hebrews 13:5)  I can rejoice in that.  When I really feel low, I can read the Psalms and cry with David and the other writers, and be reassured that God really does understand my struggles.

Second - I can praise God for who He is and what He has done for me.  I have a hymnal that is full of rich songs of praise and thanks that I can offer.  Scripture talks about the "sacrifice of praise" ( Hebrews 13:15  By him therefore let us offer the sacrifice of praise to God continually, that is, the fruit of our lips giving thanks to his name.), and I am grateful I have learned something of what that means.  There is always more to learn.  I do not always feel like doing these things. Sometimes I don't have the strength.  I know God has the answers, and that no where else but God will there truly be any lasting joy or peace.

Third - I can thank God for what I do have.  It is easy to focus on what I cannot do, my limitations, problems, sorrows, pain.  Some days I have to force myself to write down and say out loud to God, a list of things to thank him for.

Fourth - I can pray.  I am so privileged because of what Jesus did for me, to be able to approach the throne of glory - God Almighty, in prayer. He understands completely.   Romans 8:26  Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.   He knows how I feel, where I am misunderstood, how the pain is effecting me, how difficult it is to accomplish certain things...

See, I feel better already:)

I hope you all are having a wonderful holiday season.  Thanks for listening.
 
"Cinder"Ellen                        

Oh, do you want to know the end of the story?   I am certainly not perfect or sinless, but I have been saved by God's grace, and he has made me acceptable in his son.  Jesus is called THE PRINCE OF PEACE (Isaiah 9:6), and HE has given me a new life to live, both now and in eternity.  I thank God that the life he offers is even better than any "happily ever after" imaginable!  








 

Familiar Carol, New Lyrics

Oh Jesus Christ! Oh Jesus Christ!

He is the only Saviour.

Oh Jesus Christ! Oh Jesus Christ!

He is the only Saviour.

He is still God yet became a man,

Born to fulfill salvation’s plan,

Oh Jesus Christ! Oh Jesus Christ!

He is the only Saviour.

Oh come to Christ! Oh come to Christ!

For He alone can save you,

Oh come to Christ! Oh come to Christ!

For He alone can save you,

Upon a cruel cross He died

That you may now be justified,

Oh come to Christ! Oh come to Christ!

For He alone can save you,

Oh trust in Christ! Oh trust in Christ!

He is the way to heaven.

Oh trust in Christ! Oh trust in Christ!

He is the way to heaven.

His blood can cleanse your from your sin,

And give you righteousness within.

Oh trust in Christ! Oh trust in Christ!

He is the way to heaven.

Oh worship Christ! Oh worship Christ!

He’s powerful and holy.

Oh worship Christ! Oh worship Christ!

He’s powerful and holy.

Fall on your knees; oh hide your face,

Cry out to Him who saves by grace.

Oh worship Christ! Oh worship Christ!

He’s powerful and holy.

Oh follow Christ! Oh follow Christ!

The way to joy is Jesus!

Oh follow Christ! Oh follow Christ!

The way to joy is Jesus!

Not only does Christ save from hell,

But strengthens us through life as well.

Oh follow Christ! Oh follow Christ!

The way to joy is Jesus!

Words written by Rachel

Celebrating Will Be Difficult For Many

Those of us who have been adopted into the family of God have a great deal to live for each day.
I hesitate to post this so close to Christmas, because we all want to be happy celebrating with family etc., but I can't help but think about those whose hurts are magnified during the Christmas/New Year season. The pain of grief and loneliness this time of year weighs heavily on many.

*I think of my cousin whose 23 year old son was killed by a drunk driver the day after Thanksgiving last year.

*I think of the many people who have suffered miscarriage the past year who thought they would have a baby to hold this Christmas.

*I think of our neighbor who found his mother dead in her home last week.

*I think of the alcoholic/drug addict who has no hope or desire for anything but his addiction
...and the young family he left behind.  (And the dear grandmother who wrote to tell me of this hurt).

*I think of the young girl who aborted her own baby and needs the love and forgiveness only God can bring.  I also think of the now older woman who aborted her baby years ago, and is still living with the agony of her decision.

 
The list could go on.  I do not mean at all to put a damper on your festivities, but would ask that we all be sensitive to the fact that celebrating for some will be difficult - their difficult situations do not go away just because there is a holiday. True, we cannot solve the world's problems, but that does not mean that we cannot have an influence by showing God's love to someone in our life.  Perhaps praying for and/or doing some kindness toward a hurting person could move to the top of our "to do" list this week or next? 

Christmas time should not be all about presents, eating whatever we want, pretty trees, dressing up, parties, programs, decorating...  True joy is found in a relationship with the risen Saviour who was born a baby in a manger and who grew, sinless, to do the will of his Heavenly Father - even obedience unto death on a cross.  That is surely reason to celebrate all year and good news that needs to be shared! 


Ellen