Marching Forward

Thank you for praying for me.  I appreciate it so much.  Some days are discouraging and I weary of suffering.
The viruses are mostly gone - thank you God!  There has been some improvement in the infected areas, but still lots of problems especially in the intestines.   Pain, weakness, exhaustion continue.  Since I don't intend this blog to be a place to complain, I don't share all that's going on.  I do try to share enough for you to be able to know a little better how to pray.  I am still sleeping 10-12 hours and waking up totally, deeply exhausted.

Thank you for caring and continuing to pray; many people give up when a need is so chronic.  It helps me to know you care.  I often think no one is reading this anymore so I should quit.  Then I get encouraging comments that let me know some still read this and I am thankful.

My Prayer Requests

~God's priorities in our family and our relationships with others
~Spiritual discernment in evaluating and choosing healing modalities
~Financial provision
~God's Word to transform me
~Clarity of thought - for the mind of Christ to rule in my perspective of suffering and in ALL of life
~Energy to heal and to be a godly wife and mother
~That I would let the peace of God rule in my heart even in the midst of change, caos, grief etc.
 
Ellen

2+2 More

Thank you for your prayers...Please continue.
I have been down for some time with two viruses - stomach/intestinal with vomiting and diarreah and nasty cold with sinus, chest, throat, headaches etc. plus the bronchial infection and now an intestinal bacterial infection too.  My head feels a little clearer this morning after coughing up some more yucky stuff.  I am hoping these challenges are all on their way OUT soon. 

P.S. Yes, this weather has been wonderful.

Ellen 

Updated Prayer List

I have attempted several blog posts the past few weeks, but after rereading them and trying to change them unsatisfactorily, I have decided to just condense my scattered thoughts to this partial list of  prayer requests.

~structural strength:

• hernia is problematic again (this is not fun) severe bloating does not help either
• incision area and deeper is still painful - sharp nerve pain
• deep, long, vertical incision has weakened muscle integrity in my abdomen and is putting further stress on my lower and mid back and hips...PAIN

~bronchial/lung health    I have been fighting a bacterial infection for a couple of months now

~nervous system overload- to the MAX

~still gaining weight

~extreme exhaustion  and weakness

~endocrine system - Dr. changed thyroid med from 50 mg to 500 mg last week and is NOT going well

~wisdom for doctors, tests needed, healing, financial provision etc.

~emotional/hormonal/amino acid balance/health

Ellen

In Sickness and in Health

-  "Love is not a feeling, it's an act of the will."  -
My husband and I have been married 28 1/2 years.  Little did we know when we said our vows, that we would be learning so much of the "in sickness" part of our promise.  Many people with chronic or fatal illnesses lose their spouses.  The stresses and pressures are great. Chronic illness is a lonely road to walk and requires a lot of time and energy which are taken away from other things. Communication becomes even more challenging and there are usually added financial burdens. Meeting each others needs and putting each other first takes great strength as the pain, exhaustion, time and energy are spent on seeing doctors, having tests, going to physical therapy, taking medications and supplements, traveling to specialists, researching etc.  Priorities of husband and wife do not always match. Misunderstanding is common. A person who is in pain and not sleeping well is not always patient.

All lasting marriages require hard work.  I have been extremely blessed with a husband who takes his commitment to our marriage covenant very seriously.  He knows that marriage is a picture of Christ and the church, and strives to put Jesus first and our marriage second.  He is not a perfect man or husband, but he is the one God has joined me to and I rejoice and thank God for him.  The reason we have been able to stay together in sickness and in health,is NOT because either one of us is great or because we are a perfect match and so "in love" all the time.  Love is a choice.  Love is action.  Our marriage is built on the foundation of Jesus our Savior and HE keeps us together.  Below are the lyrics to a song we had sung at our wedding (this is from memory so may not be exact).

I could never promise you,
On just my strength alone.
That all my life I'd care for you,
And love you as my own.

I've never known the future,
I only see today,
Words that last a lifetime,
Would be more than I could say.

But the love inside my heart today,
Is more that mine alone
It never changes, never fails,
Never seeks its own.

And by the God who gives it
And lives in me and you,
I know the words I speak today,
Are words I'm going to do.

So I stand before you now
For all to hear and see,
To promise you in Jesus' name
The love he's given me.

And through our years on earth,
And as eternity goes by,
The life and love he's given us
Are never going to die.

I thank God I am not alone even though at times I feel lonely.  I thank Gregg for loving me in sickness and in health, till death do us part.  

Ellen

"But godliness with contentment is great gain." 1 Timothy 6:6

When a person feels sick or is in pain, it is easy to become negative.  I tend to be a refiner, a perfectionist, a detail person.  Since I am a new creature in Christ, I can choose to let God change me.  I can allow him to use the strengths he has given me to glorify himself, and allow him to refine me, reshape me, conform me into his image where need be.

I had a grandmother who always seemed to find something good to say in just about every situation.  She had suffered many trials in her lifetime.  Her own mother died when she was just a little girl.  Her husband died while in his late thirties, leaving her with six children to rear on her own.  She chose not to become bitter. She chose not to complain.  She worked hard, and although she was certainly not perfect, she was a good example in many ways.  My grandmother lived into her nineties and was loved and honored by each of her children.  My aunts and uncles all have compassion for others and are an encouragement to me.  They understand hardship.  They understand want, and they appreciate what they have. (Contrary to popular opinion, it is not good for children to be given everthing they desire.)  I believe my grandmother's children developed good character qualities partly due to suffering and hardship.  I love them, pray for them, and thank God he put me into their family.
My Dad was the eldest child.  He passed away nine years ago - only five weeks before his mother.  One of the "good attitude" things I recall him saying was in response to people complaining about the cold Wisconsin weather.  In a quiet, unexcited voice he would respond,  "At least we don't have to deal with mosquitoes [during the winter]."
I need to have more of an attitude like that. I want to learn like the Apostle Paul, "in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content." Philippians 4:11

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My list of symptoms continues so I won't repeat them here.  I thought I would give you some prayer requests in addition to the prayers for physical relief (which I still appreciate)  Please pray that:

I will hunger and thirst after God and his Word.
I will draw on his strength to do the yucky, for my health things I need perseverance to do.
That the joy of the LORD will be my strength.
That this blog will somehow minister God's grace to others.
That God will give me clear thinking, understanding of His Word - wisdom - and guidance where there are questions.
That God will protect me and my family from deception.
That God will help me to be a better wife giving me the strength I need etc.
That God will strengthen our marriage helping us to communicate better.
That God's peace will rule in my heart.
That I will be able to see the positive in situations and give the negatives over to God.
That I will have a grateful, thankful to God heart.
That I will guard my heart and tongue.
That my "symptom" list will decrease and I will be healed.
That I will wait patiently on the LORD when my prayers are not answered the way I would choose, (or as quickly perhaps).

Thanks for your prayers.  I really appreciate them and thank God you care enough to talk to him on my behalf.

Ellen

“New Year” Post – Sin is More Fatal Than Cancer

Many new things are worth celebrating – a new year, a new job, a new house, a new baby… Unfortunately however, new things eventually become old – the second law of thermodynamics – all things break down and tend to disorder. There is one new thing that does not fade, break down, rot or die.

Since it is a new year, I wanted to share something that is ever more important than letting you know about my symptoms etc. I love the Lord Jesus. What he has done for me (and for you) is so absolutely wonderful that I cannot be selfish and keep it to myself! Some of you may not be comfortable with all this talk of Jesus and faith, but please hear me out. If you were dying of cancer or some other fatal disease and I knew the cure that would save you, wouldn't I be unloving if I neglected to share it with you? I believe the King James Authorized Bible to be completely true, the living word of God. It tells us that we all have a problem worse than cancer.

All of mankind has a problem.

Romans 3:23 For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;
Ezekiel 18:20 The soul that sinneth, it shall die.

Sin separates us from a perfect, holy God. It is so serious that any sin no matter how small we think it is, keeps us out of a right relationship with God and out of heaven. God’s holiness cannot allow anything or anyone to corrupt it. He cannot just let sin go unpunished; he is just. The Bible says that the penalty, the just punishment for sin, is death.

Romans 6:23a For the wages of sin is death;
Romans 5:12 Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned:
We all actually deserve hell. We cannot do anything to get rid of sin or make ourselves right with God.
James 2:10 For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all.

Those are the sad facts.

Romans 5:8 But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

That is the good news, the solution to our otherwise hopeless situation.

John 14:6 Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.

There is no other way – we can never be good enough without him no matter what we do, where we go to church, how much we give, etc.

John 10:10 The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.

God sent his son as the only payment acceptable for sin.

2Corinthians 5:21 For he hath made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in him.
1Titus 1:15 This is a faithful saying, and worthy of all acceptation, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners; of whom I am chief.
1Peter 3:18a For Christ also hath once suffered for sins, the just for the unjust, that he might bring us to God
Colossians 1:14 In whom we have redemption through his blood, even the forgiveness of sins:
Romans 5:9-10 Much more then, being now justified by his blood, we shall be saved from wrath through him. For if, when we were enemies, we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, being reconciled, we shall be saved by his life.

What good news!

It is not enough to just say - “Oh I believe those things.” We must by faith put our trust in him, placing our life in his hands.

Romans 4:5 But to him that worketh not, but believeth on him that justifieth the ungodly, his faith is counted for righteousness.
Romans 3:28 Therefore we conclude that a man is justified by faith without the deeds of the law.

For a long time I believed Jesus died for me, but I did not know I could be sure of going to heaven when I died – that sounded arrogant to me. I did not want to sin; I wanted to change. I could never be good enough; I kept failing. I needed God’s solution. As I heard more of the truth of the Bible, I realized I was trusting in doing certain things in addition to what Jesus did. If I had to do that, then that would mean what Jesus did was not complete. I had to take a step to choose to believe that what God did on the cross was everything and the only thing to save me from the penalty of sin. I needed God’s son to cleanse me from those sins and future sins once and for all. I decided to trust in what he did for me as full payment to make me right before God. What glory, what joy, what freedom! Now I can live in gratitude to the one who saved me and continues to change me. Now my life can be about bringing him glory. His Holy Spirit can give me what is needed to love and obey him and to understand the Bible. This does not mean that I never sin.  I still fail, but my eternal destination does not depend on my perfection.

Jesus died to give the gift of eternal life to everyone. But, like any gift, it is of no value to you if you refuse it. You must accept it for it to be your own.

Ephesians 2:8-9 For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast.
Romans 6:23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord

Why not start 2012 by receiving the most awesome gift available. New life is something a person can have now – we don't have to wait until we get to heaven to have it; in fact, we must receive it now in order to go to heaven. Once we die, it will be too late to choose. The new birth, new life that Jesus gives, never dies, never has to fade. Why not see for yourself what the Bible says. I pray you will tell God you want the new life he offers and put your complete trust in what he did for you on the cross. It is not complicated. Trust.

2Corintians 5:17 Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.

Ellen

photo by Karen

 

 





Health and Symptom Update

 I thought I would give a quick health update before I finish writing a new year post that is still in progress.

Some improvement:
              I am finally losing only a small amount of hair instead of handfuls.
              Dizziness is a little better/a little less frequent.
              Gall bladder pain is a bit less intense.
              Temperature regulation a little better.
              Tooth pain down to somewhat tolerable for the moment.

I would still appreciate prayer for the above issues and:
              diet and weight control - not just "how you look" problem
              digestion and severe bloating,
              PAIN all over but especially shoulders, back, hips...muscle cramping that won't let up
              energy and good sleep,
              candida irradication and all the die off symptoms to lessen,
              less itching and psoriasis
              nerve pain,
              incision area deep pain

I have been fighting an urinary tract infection the past two weeks along with ear ache and a sore throat with nasty looking drainage.  It has been a tough couple of weeks on many fronts. 

Thanks for your continued prayers.  I really appreciate the encouragement many of you continue to be.

Ellen